i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
