Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
