I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
