I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You were trust falling into bushes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
