we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
