just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
