i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
