Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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