just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
