Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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