He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
