just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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