he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
