dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize