Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
