In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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