how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
