You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
