he wants to bone in the snuggie
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
