oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
