This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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