Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
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Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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