you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
