If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
