Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my liver is dry heaving
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
