I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
