So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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