It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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