we have officially lost it.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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