I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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