trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
