Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
