I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
