Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
