I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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