im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
