yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
