I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
