Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
