I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
