You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
