she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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