I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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