okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
