yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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