After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
