its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
