Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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