$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
