she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
