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• (512): View more from Texas

  3.50 mugs at the bar.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.

  (512): View more from Texas

  How ugly, and does she have friends?

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...

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• (+41): View more from Switzerland

  look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.

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• (518): View more from New York

  Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.

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• (760): View more from California

  He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.

  (619): View more from California

  he what???

  (760): View more from California

  Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.

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• (518): View more from New York

  He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....

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