I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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