He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
