used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
