even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My bed smells like the plague
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