Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
