drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
