A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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