My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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