I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
