Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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