you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
