She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
