Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
