I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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