you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
