her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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