u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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