if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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