did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
